mmiiinnaa

peace easy, mo' fuckas.

Fri, 20 Mar 2009 01:36:59 GMT

Uhhhhhh, I'm out. I feel like there are too many people reading this and so I'm moving to another site. Have fun readng my past entries (even though they're about the same thing)

God, I'm going to miss this thing..

'cause you're only as loud as the noise you make and as big as the things you dream.

Sat, 21 Feb 2009 03:56:05 GMT

Going to Lonsdale Quay was fun today. It was probably the first thing that we've done as a group in a while; I miss those times. I mean, it's not like it's gone forever, it's just that we're so "occupied" now. I really don't want it to be like that but yea.. I got myself into this so whatever. I really need to get a new camera like Victoria's, it's way better than my shit-taking one. I want so many new things but obviously I can't get that now can I, considering the fact that I haven't been paid yet and it's been two whole weeks.. Mother fuck. Ha, I'm so glad that today was such a nice day. I mean, it was about 11 degrees today and that's freegin' awesome compared to it being less than 5. I really really do miss summer. I want to cry =(

OH YEA, about work.. I'M NOT WORKING TOMORROW! I just got a call from my manager saying that I needed to be scheduled off 'cause we have new workers in training. Ha, fine by me! HUURRAAHH! ♥

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars, here's a little heart for you.

Fri, 20 Feb 2009 05:10:31 GMT

It's been a while since I've last posted something. I guess I sort of forgot about this 'cause you "people" already know about my problems. And usually my problems get solved before I get the chance to go on this. I miss blogging on this a lot to tell you the truth. I don't really have a specific topic to talk about but I guess one thing is that I want out, if you know what I mean.. I guess I'll let things flow for a while and see how it all works out but honestly, I don't even feel like letting it go any further. Haha oh god, I can't believe myself. I finally got what I wanted, in fact, most of my entries in this journal are about what I've been longing for. I'm unbelievable. That settles it, I'm never ever going to be satisfied with what I have. I don't think it's possible for me to date, no joke.

Anyways, I shall now talk about something else. I really want summer to come NOW! The cold and the clouds are unbearable. I can't believe how much I actually miss the summer weather. I usually hate summertime 'cause I tan really easily but now that the cold winter weather has got the best of me, I just want it to leave. I miss the times where I could just walk out in flip-flops, shorts and a cami. I miss going to the beach, no school, hot boys, camping, sleeping in, staying up late, and picnics. Just talking about all that stuff right now makes me so nostalgic. I only have four more months to go 'till freedom. Holy, I'm so excited now! I should really focus on school now since I've only got a little bit of time left to get my marks back up there. I also have fitness-testing next week. Mother fucker.. I really hate PE but I guess I have to take it next year for my 80 hours shit.

One thing I'm really looking forward to is JONAS BROTHERS 3D! God, I'm so excited! I get to touch them! Eight more days until Nick is within my reach. Too bad he's not actually coming to Vancouver! Damn those Jonas brothers for forgetting about Canada..

Help I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer.

Sat, 17 Jan 2009 05:40:58 GMT

It's amazing how I can just look at the worst of things and then just change my mind within a split second. I'm a horrible person, to make someone endure something so horrible. If I had known that I would have been so indecisive, I wouldn't have even bothered to go through this. But of course I'm happy too. To finally experience something like this, it's so different. Now I can tell people that I tried. But this looks like this may be a harder situation to get out of, if I did want to leave. Yea, this is short 'cause I really just don't have anything to say. I just hope that in the future I make more rational decisions.

You guys are beautiful sunshine rays!

Tue, 13 Jan 2009 17:15:48 GMT

I really should be at school right now but I'm as lazy as shit. I'm already dresses as it is but I just don't wanna go. I know, I'm lame. So guys, I actually ate breakfast today and guess what I ate? It's italian, it's red, and usually has meatballs in it! Yea, I'm guessing you've already figured it out, you smarty pantsers! It's been a while since I've written in this. Obvs because I just have no reason to now. But believe me, once some shit comes up, I'll be on this in no time. I love this journal to death. brb, bathroom break. Okay, I'm back and refreshed, heh. So anyways, I guess this is just going to be a random blog. First off, Rhoben Jane Cabang, I'm so happy for you and I'm know that I've told you this about a million times but who gives a shit. I am just so haaapppppyyyy! Secondly, Victoria, you're just the shit and I'm glad you're still around to endure everything I throw at you. I know I'm a bitch and I'm glad you're able to cope with it and be so patient. Thank you. Thirdly, Marie-Antoinette, you need to GET OUT THERE and get what you want. I don't know if I've told you this enough times but you deserve the best. Now get out of your barrier! Hehe, I'm farting with my hands.

I feel so sorry for that double-decker girl. She must receive looks from people every single day of her life. I would hate to be her but who knows, maybe she's super duper smart eh? You never know! I'm sure that she's really talented in some way and people and eat that! HA! Dude, if I were her I'd just tell everyone to fuck off. I'd take a picture of my forehead and print out millions of copies, throw them in the halls, and say, "HERE, I TOOK A PICTURE SO IT'D LAST LONGER, FUCKERS!" Haha, scratch that. I don't wanna get jumped. But seriously, thank a lot Spinelli for showing me *fist.

Random fact: The actor's name in Mall Cop is Paul BLART! HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !
I find that so entertaining.

I really need to get my sleeping patterns back on track. I'm fucked right now.

Sat, 27 Dec 2008 07:57:59 GMT

Life is good. I really can't complain other than the fact that my work makes me tired. Now I know that I don't work often (only once a week), but when it interferes with my unusual sleeping patterns, then we got a problem. Let's see .. today was boxing day and yea it was pretty shitty 'cause I didn't have much money to spend. I just wasn't in the mood to go shopping. AND, I was woken up by a phone call at 6:45. Oh well, not I'm just passing the time and trying to make myself more tired so that I can fall asleep. In fact, as I'm typing this sentence, I'm yawning. Well, I guess I'm gonna go watch Bridget Jones Diary and try to fall asleep. I highly doubt that it's going to happen. Hmm, I'm probably going to be soo tired for that date tomorrow. Oh well, I have many stories to tell Jesus =)

ps. I no longer have different coloured roots! woohooo .

I'm a real big fan of yours, but I'm quite the joke to you.

Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:24:15 GMT

I've been contemplating several times these past three weeks on whether or not I should write on this thing but I've always just been putting it off. I feel as though I don't need to write on this because I now have what I've been writing about for the past two years. Looking back on this thing I see that I've been yearning for this so badly to the extent that I remember crying. I know it seems lame but that's how bad I wanted it. And now I finally got it. But even though I have him, I'm terribly scared already. I'm scared of losing him so quickly. I know that I shouldn't expect this to last but I also just don't want to lose it like that. I've worked hard for this, and for it to fall apart makes it seems as though I shouldn't have even tried. Haha, there I go again looking at the dark side of things. Marinette if you're reading this, you're probably shaking your head. I can't help it.

Then again, he makes me so happy. I feel like everything's falling into place. For once it seems like everything is right and how it's supposed to be. I always thought that things wouldn't workout if we did one day get together but it's not as I had expected. Life is good, amen.

Thanks you guys for always listening to me ranting and going on and on about the same thing. It'll change but probably not for the better 'cause now I'll be talking about how wonderful life is at the moment. Thanks for putting up with this shit.

You're a whore in sheep's clothing.

Sun, 23 Nov 2008 08:08:23 GMT

Remember how I said Autumn is my favourite season? Yea, I still like it but it's ben incredibly freezing lately. The temperatures have dropped drastically, like ZOMG.

I don't know if I should call him 'cause it seems so retarded. And honestly, it feels degrading 'cause I've liked him for about a good 3 years now and he just started liking me. It's kind of hard to explain but it makes me look like a desperate dog. He just started liking me and only now things are happening? You're probably like, "WTF" right now but I really can't explain myself. I feel like I'm nearly just holding onto something that's barely there, and it totally sucks balls. I mean, we both like each other but it just seems like I've waited for too long and I'm still wondering WHY he likes me only now. Because I don't look any different besides my braces being removed and hair doesn't really count. If it is because of my braces, that's super shallow. I wish I could just call him and talk to him for hours just like I talk to Lore. Sometimes I just wish he was more like Lore 'cause then we could actually relate and have things to talk about.

You know what? Maybe I'm just thinking too hard. And I keep telling myself that it's not going to work. I'm looking far too into the future. You guys tell me that there's nothing to lose but there IS something to lose. I'll stop talking to him again and I'll be right where I started. That's what I fear the most. Not being able to talk to him again > back to base 1. I'm just scared.

woma-womanizer

Thu, 13 Nov 2008 01:40:29 GMT

It's been a while since I've last blogged about something. I just feel that there's not much to write even though there are millions and millions of things trapped within my head, but it's just that I don't know how to assemble it into words. Lately things have been going good but of course I'm still super hesitant about this. But whatever happens, happens and we'll see if I make the right choice. Anyways, I have a socials project to do ALL BY MYSELF.

Peace easy

hehe ..

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 05:25:05 GMT

.luke. says:
please..i've asked V*** and he said he wanted to ask you out...hes just really nervous
.luke. says:
like this one time we went in the school after everyone was gone he just randomly said "i have a really big urge to ask mina out"

.luke. says:
he said you were really pretty for one thing

minacu says:
"Think about it. If you guys went out, he would never call you, he would never want to hang out, he wouldn't speak to you 'cause he doesn't even speak to you right now, he's always going to want to be with his friends"
minacu says:
all those things
minacu says:
and it got me thinkink
minacu says:
thinking *
.luke. says:
ok....some of that is true but do you really want someone who constantly calls you? and is clingy like that? the only reason he wouldn't be able to hang out is cause his mom is really strict
.luke. says:
thats bullshit, when i asked Kira out we never talked..sure its a little awkward but it gets better..
.luke. says:
he'll talk to you

.luke. says:
what?? don't give up!!!
.luke. says:
he wants to ask you out but hes just too scared

What a satisfactional waste.

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 03:41:02 GMT

Holy fuck, I'm giving up. Everyone knows that this is going to go nowhere so why am I just holding onto something that will never be. I've always asked myself that question everyday but then eventually I caught on and figured out that it was just a waste of my time. And so, I gave the German a chance.. Maybe I could forget about the other one because I have liked the German in the past. I thought I was happy with him but I wasn't. I was just lying. Going out with him was obviously a big mistake but how could I have seen it from the beginning? Who would've thought that the Italian felt the same way? I regret doing so, and now I'm getting what I fully deserve. No chance at all. But when you take the time to look at it in different angles and think about it, nothing would have happened right? For fuck's sake, we're talking about the Italian boy that doesn't speak, only hangs out with friends, who will never call me, and who blazes 24/7. I've wasted "3" years being infatuated by him when in fact I could be with someone else and completely happy. Holy shit, what the fuck's wrong with me?

But it sucks don't you think? He finally likes me after all this time and he's actually telling people. I don't know who to believe. One friend(1) of his says, "It's never going to work out. He's not going to ask you out because of 'Germany'." And the other(2) says, "He really wants to do something about it and he wants to talk to you more". Friend number 1 has been friends with him for the longest time but hasn't been hanging out with him that much lately, and friend number 2 talks and hangs out with him all the time but hasn't been friends for over 2 years. Who should I listen to? If we did go out, what the hell would we do right? Nothing. We have nothing in common and I'm not going to start researching about cars and bikes just for the sake of having something to talk about (that's pathetic). I'm in a big fucking mess and I don't know what to do. I want to just give up and get on with my life--that's obviously just going to go around and come back again--but I also want to hold on and see what's going to happen. There's no harm in trying but I really want to talk to him more. If we date, have a bad relationship, and then break-up, there's an even smaller chance of me talking to him normally. AND to top off this whole rant, I have a fucking migraine (my first ever).

But in the end, what makes me happy after all this bullshit is the satisfaction of knowing that he finally likes me after all this time. My waiting paid off, but not entirely.

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 02:56:42 GMT

I should be really happy right now but I'm not and it's hard to explain why. Actually, it's not. I'm extremely concerned about ruining a friendship even though I've liked him for two 3/4 years and he has only been friends with him for about a year. It's not fair. I always make the stupidest decisions ever. The one thing I've only wished for in my life has actually come true and I can't do anything about it all because of one rational decision. How could I have acted out of impulse? I fucked up big time now.

C.A.T-BYCGTO says:
you figured who ever liked you was obviously not gonna ask you out or u didnt know how to say no to ryan but anyway you figured you kinda like ryan maybe he would grow on you

Wow, he's good ..

But anyways, tomorrow I'm going to ask him for his homework. I'm too lazy to do mine
LOL! Perfect way to start a convo ..

FUCK LIFE

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 05:48:36 GMT

This is a bitch

What the fuck's wrong with me? I don't even want to go to school anymore, I don't want to see anyone, I don't even feel like talking to anyone about this even though I tell you guys everything. This is just so pissing. I can't even accumulate the right words to express how pissed off I am at myself. Why can't I just grow some fucking balls? You guys must be so annoyed by this. Just take me off your friends list so you don't have to listen to me ramble on and on about the same thing because it's completely pointless.

Sun, 28 Sep 2008 03:57:03 GMT

I've been meaning to write an entry about a week or two ago but I just didn't know what to write because there's so much going on right now that you guys already know about. But yea, right now there's not much going on in my head right now except the fact that a certain friend of ours makes the stupidest decisions. "I had like fuckin' 20 shots, I'm so fuckin' drunk, where's A**on?, What the fuck, I'm so drunk". That's all she kept repeating over and over again within 3 minutes. I feel so sorry for you because you embarrassed yourself in front of all the grade 12s. But then again, it was your decision and you knew that it was to turn out that way. You could have lost a friend last night; you're lucky she cares about you. Man, you're fucked now. I never knew this side of you. I mean, just watching you changed my whole outlook on you but I'm not going to stop being your friend. Although you're a good friend of mine, I wished you made better decisions. Live your life to the fullest, but know when to draw the line. You didn't even take is slow and use a chaser.

Aiya, good luck on Tuesday.

The good (wjup!), the bad (ugly chin boy whos face is infested with acne), and the ugly (same guy)

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:31:07 GMT

I think it's bad that I have a class with him. I'm so pathetic because I've been liking the same guy for two years--making that three--and I haven't even had a decent conversation with him. I'm happy that I'm so close to him. "I'm so close, I can comb his hair". I also feel sorry for him because he has no friends in that class. So far, he's preferred to sit all by himself. I'm sure that feels uncomfortable for him to see that everyone in the class has a partner to sit beside. He actually laughs at the smallest things that--if you reply it in your head--are not even funny. I like english =)

You're a little bitch. Even though you enjoy doing this right now, you're going to think about it and dwell upon it. You're probably thinking, "What the fuck did I do that for?" Yea, I'm asking the same damn question. My reasoning was just about good enough for our "relationship" to end but your retaliation was just about pathetic, not even clever. Like I said in previous blogs, the ball is in your court and do with it what you want because I definitely can't stop you. Just think about the consequences and whether or not you're going to be benefiting from your actions because right now, you've got a lot of people looking at you with disgusted eyes.

Misery won't get the best of me

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 02:10:00 GMT

I'm not avoiding you, so why are you always leaving whenever I come around? Do I suddenly now have this aura that pushes you away? I try to not make things weird between us but you also have to do your part in making that work. This is a great start of the new school year for you (uh, not). You're only making things harder for you. I'm completely fine without talking to you but I know that it kills you to not speak to me. Whatever, the ball is in your court. Do what you will with it. You know you can't avoid me forever because I'm not going anywhere whether you like it or not.

This is also my fault because I should have known that things would end up like this. Honestly though, you can't expect us to be together forever. That's just out of the question.

Best of luck to your future girlfriends.

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 20:02:43 GMT

Constraint.

To see tears streaming down his face, to see him out of breath due to the uncontrollable pain, to see the over-powering shade of darkened pink surround his golden-centered blue eyes. To see him at a loss for words made her job easier. The silence. To have a lump in his throat from trying to stop the tears, to take it all in, to pretend that he didn't feel like there was a knife piercing his exposed heart, to try to stop from trembling at the sound of her words. He let his guard down and trusted her. She abused that trust and spat in his face. Sorry. Did she really mean it? Or was it just some bullshit to cover up for her happiness. That was all she could say. She wasn't listening to her own voice; the tone struck pain across his face. Leave already. Why couldn't she move her feet? She was paralyzed. Something held on, she didn't want to leave him there crying. She made him happy. He loved her, she wish she could say the same. Her head was telling her to stay but her heart was telling her to go and not look back. They were in two separate places. Left foot, right foot. She walked. It was uneasy for her to look at him with his heart on the concrete; his hands over his face.

Freedom.

I've fought the war but the war won't stop.

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 05:54:01 GMT

This week has gone by so fast. I thought today was Wednesday instead of Friday. I guess it's 'cause I've been spending my days indoors. This whole week I've been waking up @ 12:30-1:30 pm and not eating throughout the entire day. But when the clock reaches 9:00 +, I just start eating everything that I can find. What's wrong with me? And oh yea, I've been breaking out 'cause GEORGE is in town. GRREEAATT, I'm going to a lake tomorrow with my whole family and they're all going to be swimming. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe it's a bad thing. I really don't know. And on Sunday I'm supposed to go to the PNE with just my 3 FRIENDS. But no, instead we're going with a huge mob. It'll make us look like kids that think we're so cool. It's as if I'm back in grade seven. Haha, we'll probably just ditch the crowd.

Fuck, my time restriction is coming on in like a couple of minutes so I have to wrap this up.

I've learned my lesson?

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:47:50 GMT

I actually enjoy staying cooped up in my house rather than going outside. I have everything I need here. Plus, I can stay away from a certain "someone". But then again, I'm just running away from the real world because I'm obligated to do something. I'm not actually obligated but I know it's the right thing to do rather than spending my days living a lie just for the sake of someone else's happiness. I know, that probably sounds incredibly self-centered. I'm not going to deny the fact that I'm selfish, but in this situation that's not the case. I don't want to be wasting his time (and mine). This whole thing was bull-to-the-shit. I guess I learned my lesson. Pity hook-ups will never ever work out.

In other news: I just watched ALL the videos with Adam Sevani is them. I've never done that to any other famous person I liked. Not Hayden Christensen, Adam Brody, and not even the Jonas Brothers. I'm pretty shocked. I guess it's 'cause he resembles another person (haha).

Hellogoodbye

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 20:05:18 GMT

Great, he's back. Thursday, Friday & Saturday were so stress-free and fun but now I'm back to my moping self. Just watch, I'm going to break-out sooner or later and then I'm not going to want to go out. I think I'll just pretend that I'm grounded. I don't want to do this but I'm going to have to. I don't want to hurt you but there's really no other way. I've been trying my best to find an alternative that would be more "reasonable" but there's only one way to do what I'm doing without looking like a pansy. God, I hate confrontation.

WJUP: You guys may all find "peace" ugly but just can't agree. Like I said, there's something about him. But oh well, I KNOW that I'll get over it eventually.

MRV: The beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

rhoben, marinette, victoria, mina

I would choose the italian over the german anyday.

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:13:09 GMT

I really don't like you. It's not supposed to be mean or anything, it's just that there's no other way to say it. I don't like you, but you like me. That's just unfortunate now isn't it (not). I really can't believe what I've gotten myself into. I was scheduled to meet your parents. YOUR FRIGGIN' PARENTS. Are you partially retarded? It hasn't even been a month. Heck, I'm not even counting like you. You're so into this and I am obviously not. I don't think I should put myself through this 'cause I'm not happy. Actually, I don't think I can ever be satisfied with whatever I have. That's just who I am and I know that it's a shame. And yes, I am using sarcasm.
I've made up my mind: I'm going to break up with him or actually, I'm going to ask him to break up with me. I don't want to hurt him. It's better 'cause if I break up with him, he'll be all sad and stuff but if he breaks up with me, I'll be celebrating (haha).
You know what? I think that I shall be single forever and just HANG OUT with guys. It's better.

GUESS WHAT GUYS: I don't care about race anymore =O. I know, I'm shocked as well ^^

Everyday friends and "everyday" friends.

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:52:09 GMT

Lately I haven't been wanting to hang out with my "friends". Actually wait.. I need to re-phrase that. Never mind, there's no other way to say that. What I meant to say though was that I only want to see three people and those three people already know who they are. I don't really want to see anyone until school or even that BBQ (if we're even going to have one). I don't know why but yea, I just want some "space". Not that they're too in my "space". Holy crap, I don't even know what I'm saying right now.

OK: I'm used to hanging out everyday with MC, RC and VC so it's normal to seeing their faces ALL THE TIME. So now I'm starting to see other people - which is totally fine - except when you see them so often that you get tired of them and the activities that they do. See it's fine if I do things with those three people 'cause I can never get tired of them. I don't really know what I'm saying right now but I'm sure that WHOEVER is reading this would understand.

HOLY CRAP: To sum up this whole blog, I need space.

Dearest Elliot Moose,

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 19:32:48 GMT

It's a shame that I didn't ask for any contacts. I knew I'd regret not asking you while we were there just talking to you. What was I scared of? I should have just gone for it. I really don't know why I'm so "obsessed" in finding you because as Marinette would say, "He's not even cute." I think differently though. I thought that you were too good to be true. Too nice, too approachable and too down-to-earth. Why didn't I ask? But I know that I'll see you again. Whether it be next year, 10 years from now, or even longer. It's just this feeling in my gut.

See you soon Tyler =T

From what holds my sanity.

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 05:34:28 GMT

This is the place that I always go to when I can't say it. This journal keeps my sane. Four days.. four fucking days and I'm already stressed out. Holy fuck, you were right (MIC). What have I gotten myself into? Is this really a retaliation? Am I in this for the wrong reason? What the fuck am I trying to prove? I lost a really good friend for the wrong reason. Despite what everyone said, he was close to me. I could talk to him easily and he could talk to me easily. Even though he knew I didn't like him, it never bugged him - even if it did bug him, it wasn't visible. Drama on the fourth day. That's fucking pathetic.

Chill out, relax, and trust me for fuck's sake. He has done NOTHING wrong. And now he feels so betrayed. I can't imagine how I'd feel if someone called me up telling me to stay away from one of my best friends. You can't hold anything against him. I can't even talk to him anymore. He doesn't deserve this fucking bullshit. I know I haven't known him for that long and I know that I already put all my trust in him. What do you expect me to say? I'm sorry? Fuck that. Just let me be.

And to the person who called him: He told me the day before that he considered you his best friend, he trusted you and he defended you.

Holy fuck, what did I get myself into? I really don't want this. I'm glad I'm gone for two fucking weeks.

I guess you could say that this is another rant.

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 21:47:27 GMT

Yes, I'm done the second book and now I'm awaiting the third one. It's been keeping me busy which is good I guess but now that it's over and done with, I'm so damn bored. I need a life. For god sake's it's summer time. Dude, I should be out and about doing stupid shit. But no, instead I'm here @ home and blogging. How lame. So yea, about my "story".. I'm definitely going to keep writing since I'm done the book. My story will probably be posted on Monday or Tuesday. I'm so indecisive.

Wow, I don't even know what to blog about right now. There's nothing in my head that I want to get out because you already know everything. I guess that's my fault though. I always blog about the same thing. So yea, as you can already tell, I don't want to blog about him. Only because there is no him. I really need my damn job now. I really want money. I need to buy things to keep my mind occupied. I guess that's what keeps me sane. Money, money, money. No wonder I've been so miserable last month. Because someone stole my wallet which basically contained my whole life.